Today was just one of those days where you really don't want to get out of bed but it also happens to be the busiest day of your life. So I woke up feeling dreadful and kept having thoughts about my weight all morning. I know I really shouldn't think about myself like that but when a teenager is under constant speculation, it's pretty hard not to.
I ended up going to school in sweats and a dance t-shirt with my hair up. I looked like a train wreck on legs. It must have been a terrible sight. All through fourth period, I fought to keep my eyes open, but I guess that's what four AP classes do to you. BT was out of school today, so I couldn't lean on her for once. We have one of those friendships where I can cry as long as I want to her but the minute I'm done she slap me and tell me to get my act together. I guess that's what I needed today and never got.
Then dance came and she decided to choose today for everyone to perform their pieces in front of the class. After struggling through a dance that is usually fairly simple for me, I just felt like crying. I wanted to go home. My ankle was killing me, my head was spinning, my hamstrings felt like they were about to snap, and my legs would not move. But of course, I had musical rehearsal after school and then had to rush over to my company rehearsal, not getting home until eight. Now I have about four hours of regular homework tacked on to studying for two AP tests tomorrow and doing my physical therapy for my ankle.
So all in all, I just want to curly up in a ball and cry. At dance I got criticized for my body as usual. The costume for the ballet we are doing wasn't looking quite right on me, so L told me to not eat for a week to "get that bottom under." It took everything I had not to melt down on the spot.
Luckily my mom had nice warm cookies baked by the time I got home, so now I can begin my relationship with my APUSH book while satisfying my foodie urges.
xx.
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